Fracture
by ice shredder
Summary: "Shut up," Eren ground out. "Shut up, you're not in control!" Do you feel in control kid? That was the terrifying part. He really wasn't. Now a multi-shot with various snippets from the anime and manga. SPOILERS INSIDE. T for language. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Fracture**

 **Author: ice shredder**

 **Fandom: SnK**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine, all belong to Isayama.**

 **Spoilers/Warnings: For chp 44 and various points of the manga. Just a simple 'what if' scenario if Eren chooses to turn off his humanity in order to see his vision of 'all titans must die!' through to the end. I've got a funny feeling Isayama might go down this road in future volumes-wouldn't put it past him to do it-but for now this is pure speculation. Enjoy and don't forget to review!**

 **Summary: "Shut up," Eren ground out, teeth clenched. "Shut up, you're not in control!" Do you feel in control kid? That was the terrifying part. He really wasn't.**

Eren sat with his back against a tree some distance from the small cabin the newly reformed Levi Squad called home. After they had successfully toppled the corrupt government regime and dethroning the fake king serving as a puppet to the Reiss family, the Recon Corps was forced to abandon their old HQ and live in hiding as fugitives.

He gazed up at the twinkling stars. It wasn't right. All he wanted was to kill every single titan and then he could go see the ocean with Armin and Mikasa. He ached all over. Learning Reiner and Bertolt were the Armored and Colossal Titans responsible for his mother's death and 20% of the human race made his fury burn even hotter. Not to mention Ymir had sided with those traitors.

 _Why?!_ He narrowed his teal green eyes at the heavens as if he could divine a solution to the grave dilemma him and his friends landed themselves in. _Why did she betray humanity? It's not like those bastards need any more help._ He balled his hands into fists. _She publicly crossed humanity and the Scouts. Made Historia cry. She can never come back and expect to live._

It hurt to think. From the second he burst out of that bearded titan's gut, his mind began the inevitable slide towards insanity. He heard it in Annie's laugh. Saw it in Reiner's unstable mind, in a rare fit of rage from Bertolt when Armin bluffed about Annie's treatment from the military. They were nothing less than fighting machines that deserved to be eliminated.

And to make matters worse, Jean sermonizing him almost any chance he got was growing more and more frequent. Reminding him over and over again HE was the one who saved Mikasa from getting eaten. Sure, he wouldn't hesitate in his decision making anymore. But that didn't mean he was going to put up with his preaching forever.

The teen let out a harsh sigh. He wouldn't stay alone for long. Any second now Mikasa would seek him out and drag him back to the cottage by the hand. Like a _kid_ for God's sake.

 _I don't need her coddling me anymore. I'm a TITAN shifter for cryin' out loud so why does she-?_

 _ **You know why. Because she's a clingy, selfish bitch.**_

Eren's eyes popped open at the dark growl emenating from the deepest recesses of his mind. His titan wasted no time cutting to the heart of the problem. Just like _she_ didn't hesitate to nearly kill his former friends to keep him out of their clutches. Never mind the fact she was willing to go through _Historia_ to get him back, she went so far as to try and kill Ymir. Looking back at it now, he was more certain than ever that played a factor into her defection.

In the end...what purpose did it serve other than to piss them off?

"As much as I hate to admit it," he whispered aloud to the voice in his head, "Mikasa signed her death sentence when she attacked the shifters. Yeah, I can control the normal titans with the Coordinate, but it doesn't work on them. So I don't know if I can protect everyone from their wrath when they decide to attack again."

 _ **I don't give a damn about your friends. Or your stupid Asian dog for that matter. All I care about is killing titans and destroying things. Yanno what yer problem is boy? Ya care too much.**_ The titan's voice grew amused. _**It's the reason ya let Annie go right? Cause ya saw her**_ _ **cryin'**_ _ **. Felt sorry for her...God. Human emotions make me SICK.**_

"Shut up," Eren ground out, teeth clenched. "Shut _up,_ you're not in control!"

 _ **Do you**_ _ **feel**_ _ **in control kid?**_

That was the terrifying part. He really wasn't. Even before the titans ripped his world to bloody shreds, he'd always been a seething cauldron of rage, malice and violence. Turning into a titan only amplified those traits to inhuman proportions.

And if he was being honest, his bloodlust was _increasing._ After the bloodbath in the open plains not far from the Forest of Giant Trees-the place of his worst failure and regret to date-the hunger to spill more titan blood clawed at his mind and soul. It needed _more._ Much, much more. It beat a feverish cadence behind his ribs and like an alcoholic, his body craved death and destruction in larger amounts.

His titan wasn't finished mocking its host.

 _ **And anyway, aren't ya gettin' a little bit tired of that horsefaced dickbag shooting his mouth off every two seconds? Always got sumthin' ta say don't he? Who the hell does that maggot think he is, talkin' down ta us like we're stupid? Springer's got that part covered for everyone. It's not like this group's a bunch of innocents anymore. YOU sure as hell aren't.**_

Eren felt the beginnings of a crooked grin curve the corners of his mouth. "Tch. Since when have I _ever_ listened to any of the trash that idiot's talked?"

 _ **Since never.**_

He nodded absently at the dim outline of the cabin in the distance, warm yellow light spilling out of its windows. Even though the titan existed in the confines of his body and mind he silently conversed with it when they were on the move and in the rare alone moments they had, he spoke to it as he would an old friend.

"Exactly. None of them in there understand." _Not like..._ _ **they**_ _did. And they're nothing more than bloodthirsty mass murderers._

 _ **Heh. Listen ta you, tryin' to think yer above the others. You threw aside yer humanity at Stohess to fight Annie without a second thought, but only after yer friends put themselves in danger. Ya murdered countless people within that district alone and left the city in ruins. Ya resolved to kill Reiner and Bertolt because ya feel ya 'have to.' Screw the fact they've got vital information. And that Asian attack dog of yers just HAD to step in and help you fight. Again.**_

"Stop calling Mikasa a dog!" Eyes blazing, Eren bolted upright fists shaking with fury. The underbrush rustled as small noctural animals scurried away, startled by the sudden shout.

The titan's dark chuckle made his chest quiver.

 _ **Ooooh looks like I hit a nerve lover boy-**_

"Shut UP!" The dark-skinned teen growled, glaring at his chest. "You got NO RIGHT to call her names!"

 _ **I AM you genius. So I get to say whatever the hell I want.**_

"Who d'ya think you're-"

"Eren? Eren, is that you?"

A sliver of warm light sliced through the still night. Coming from the direction of the cabin. He could just make out Mikasa's familiar silhouette peering outside the door, black eyes frantically searching for him.

He clapped a hand over his mouth too late to stifle his heated retort.

 _ **Welp, here comes lil' miss perfect.**_

"Dammit all," Eren grumbled as he saw the class prodigy make a beeline in the direction of his voice. "I don't wanna go back just yet...why can't she go _five minutes_ without treating me like a damn kid...?"

 _ **Cause she's in love with ya, fool. And apparently she believes you can't survive if she ain't glued to yer hip, bailing your sorry ass out of trouble.**_

Eren stood silent as the girl drew closer. His titan was right. _Why_ did he need constant protection? He was a bloody _shifter_ who could turn into a fifty foot titan killing _machine_ for God's sake! And yet, when he fought Reiner and Bertolt next to Wall Rose and Mikasa stepped in to help, it served as a stark reminder that he hadn't really grown at all. She was still playing the role his mother had thrust on her before she died, but since joining the Scouts she added a few more to that list.

Attack dog.

Babysitter.

Mollycoddler.

 _Annoying._

 _ **Are ya sure you can shut off your humanity? Become a monster for their sakes, even though they might despise you for it?**_

The question gave him pause. Mikasa was close enough to where he could smell her scent of lilies and open fields that reminded him of Shiganshina. Less than 20 meters away from his tree.

He thought back to all the suffering and the loss and how much it hurt to feel each and every death.

Mom.

Dad.

Marco.

Mina.

Tomas.

His own.

Hannes.

Petra.

Eld.

Oluo.

Gunther.

Dozens of Garrison soldiers and Scouts.

Thousands of civilians.

He squeezed his teal eyes closed. _All dead. All because I failed to make the right decisions and act in time._

"Eren! There you are!" Mikasa's low voice cut through his jumbled thoughts. "Let's go." He felt her slim hand circle his wrist and begin to tug him towards the cabin where the newly formed Levi Squad was waiting. "It's not safe here-"

She was cut off by strong fingers pressing on her wrist's weak spot. Startled she dropped her hand, cradling it to her chest in surprise.

"Eren what-?"

"Shut up."

Her mouth fell open. Stunned onyx eyes quivered with fear. An emotion she rarely felt in the field and never around the boy standing in front of her, but his voice didn't sound remotely warm and caring. It sounded cold. Flat. Devoid of any human emotion.

She took a tentative step forward, palms up, as if she was approaching a wild animal.

"E-Eren what's wrong?" Her voice took on a pleading note. This was the boy who killed two men to save her from certain death. Wrapped his scarf around her neck that made her feel loved and protected. But now he reminded her of a certain gimlet eyed shorty who'd seen countless people-including the ones he cared about-go to their deaths in horrific ways and ceased to feel or they'd go mad from terrible grief. "Please. You're scaring me."

 _ **Good. Ya should be.**_

Eren inhaled deeply, filling his chest with air.

 _ **Shut it off boy. Emotions get in the way. Feelings cloud yer judgement. Makes ya weak. Ya can't afford to be any of those things.**_

"Eren?"

Unbidden, Armin's speech to him when he lay impaled by a piece of wood under tons of concrete in the shattered remains of the underground staircase blocked out Mikasa's frightened voice.

 _"To rise above monsters you must be willing to abandon your humanity."_

Slowly, Eren opened his eyes to face his childhood friend and exhaled. Mikasa gasped. Her feet were rooted to the ground, frozen in shock. His eyes.

Oh _God._

His vibrant teal green eyes had changed. They were dark and lifeless and _wrong._

Eren reached out, clapping her on the shoulder more roughly than he usually would. A cold smirk sent shivers down her spine. His focus wasn't on her but looking _past_ her. As if he was talking to someone else...

"Yer right. Feels nice. Not a care in the world."

Turning on his heel he sauntered back to the cabin with a predator's grace. Mikasa watched him go, eyes wide with horror. The only time she'd seen that dead, sadistic gleam in his eye was back in Trost.

She commanded her feet to move but all she could manage in her petrified state was a slow shamble. _I can't believe he actually did it. He just shut off his humanity. Please tell me this is a bad dream._

It had to be.

Eren without his humanity was a far more darker, dangerous and unstable individual. Mikasa wrapped her arms around her chest to ward off a sudden chill.

Things had taken a terrifying turn for the worse. There was a monster wearing her friend's face and she was powerless to stop him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ahem. So after reading firelass19's review I've decided to turn this into a multi shot where Eren struggles with his sanity at various points in the manga and anime but ONLY the most critcal ones. Most of them will be Trost-centric and dealing with the aftermath of the 57th Expedition, as well as several key moments in the manga. So if you want to remain unspoiled for Season 2 as well as the manga READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!**

 **So here we go. :P Let the insanity begin!**

 _"I will kill them all! Every last one! With my own bare hands!"_

That was all a badly maimed Eren had time to scream-staring up the narrow gullet of the bearded titan with his severed left arm pointed up in defiance-who would become the first of many monsters to fall to his wrath. Dark, fiery hatred enveloped his entire body.

 _ **Ahhh. At last! I'm free.**_

The dark, demonic voice emanating from the deepest depths of his hatred and rage didn't register with the human boy at first. Not until he felt an inexplicable surge of insane energy rush through his entire frame.

All he could remember of that first transformation was the sensation of his bones and muscles shifting into something monstrous, his skeleton supersizing in a matter of seconds. Far too massive for the titan bastard's swollen stomach to hold. The next thing he knew he was punching through its skin as if he was emerging from some hellish womb.

The light blinded the newborn titan for a second, but even that went away as fast as it came. Another second more and he could see in startling detail the cracks in the cobblestone street he was standing on and the houses and rooftops that comprised Trost as perfectly as if he had a looking-glass trained on them.

 _ **Now kid, isn't this a much better view?**_

Without taking his gaze off the crawler who had bitten off his leg Eren narrowed his enlarged teal eyes, connected by a network of tendons in the nape of his new form's neck. Wrapped in the cocooning warmth of his giant body, Eren responded without thinking to his titan's thoughts.

 _Yeah. This is amazing. Everything's so clear! And that lil' bastard over there who ate my leg's about to die._

 _ **Well then kill it already.**_

Thought became action and Eren stepped to meet his second kill of the day, crushing the nape of the bearded titan under his gigantic foot without giving it a second glance.

 _This isn't your world,_ the teen thought, rage coursing through his veins. Not batting an eye when the crawler launched itself straight at his face. Eren felt a sick, perverse satisfaction well up as his gargantuan fist obliterated the titan's throat. It dropped to the street below, head smoking. The flood of ecstasy that rushed through his combat form was so intense, Eren nearly passed out from the pleasure. The titan grinned as he watched his host's body quivered from the aftershocks of his destructive new high.

 _Unnnnngggh...soooo good!_

Eren raised his foot-giddy with his newfound power-and proceeded to curb stomp the titan into oblivion.

 _More!_

Stomp.

 _More!_

Crunch.

 _ **More!**_

 _ **MORE.**_

 _ **MORE!**_

 _I wanna kill more!_

Finally there was nothing left to destroy. But it only threw fuel onto a raging inferno. Eren felt his bloodlust rising, drowning out everything but the need to _kill and kill and kill and kill-_

 _More,_ he thought, the word beating in time to his heart, sending killing intent into every inch of his titan's body. _More._ _I need...to kill more. Please tell me there's more titans to kill._

He felt his human frame shake at his titan's black chuckle.

 _ **Duh, boy. Of course there is. Just leave the fighting to me.**_

A demonic smile stretched Eren's face from ear to ear. He started to move in the direction of an alley several blocks from where he stood, relishing the gift that would quickly become a curse in the days to come.

For the first time in many, many days Eren Jaeger was _happy._ An emotion he hadn't felt since his mother died.

Later-much later-Eren's more observant friends would come to agree on this one chilling fact. The only time he truly came alive-the one thing that made him smile-was when he was drenched in oceans of titan blood.


	3. Chapter 3

**Set slightly before the imfamous trial scene. Enjoy!**

The first time Eren knew he was in for an uphill battle with his shifting ability was when he woke up chained to a bed in the bowels of a dungeon.

He sat up on the mattress of his bed, completely disoriented, going to rub the sleep out of his eyes when the sharp, metallic tugs of a pair of shackles jarred him fully awake. _What the hell?_

 _ **'Bout time ya woke yer ass up.**_

Eren blinked, trying to clear his foggy vision.

 _Where am I?_

His titan snorted. _**In a cage. I**_ _ **hate**_ _ **cages. Stupid humans, they can't restrain us for long.**_

Then his teal eyes landed on two men outside his prison. He recognized them instantly having seen them ride through Shiganshina many times: Commander Erwin Smith and Captain Levi of the Survey Corps. Hardened veterans, these men were held up as the standard of what a freedom fighter was _supposed_ to be. Emotionally detached. Stoic in the face of terror. Utterly fearless, devoting their hearts so the dream of humans living beyond the walls could become reality.

But judging by their intense scrutiny they seemed to be sizing him up. Under their probing gazes Eren felt naked, every flaw exposed. He felt nine years old again.

Levi was by far the scarier of the two men. The dark aura surrounding the short man was intimidating as hell and Eren found himself shrinking back, much to his titan's chagrin.

 _ **Stop squirming brat. Why so afraid? He's just a pipsqueak with a bad attitude.**_

 _He'll kill us if we step out of line._

 _ **Huh. You'd think these losers would be a bit more grateful.**_ _ **We**_ _ **cleaned up the city.**_ _ **We**_ _ **killed all the titans.**_ _ **We**_ _ **saved their precious supply station. And they thank us by throwing us in a cage. Heh. Gotta love human hypocrisy.**_

Eren didn't have time to answer.

"We've come here to ask your intentions."

Intentions? He stared at the bigger man, fully aware of humanity's strongest pinning him with that cold, piercing glare. _What kind of stupid question is that? It should be obvious._

 _ **You've got words. Use them.**_

Eren bowed his dark head.

 _Why don't WE tell them. Together._

"Well brat?" Levi's dark baritone cut through his thoughts. "Answer the question."

When he raised his head both men outside the dank cell read the wild, sadistic gleam in his teal green eyes.

"I wanna join the Scouts. And kill as many titans as I can, sir."

If he hadn't been looking straight at the short Captain, he would've missed the quick flare of life in the man's deadened grey eyes.

In that split second Eren learned more about Levi that most would in an entire lifetime.

The older man was a walking contradiction. It was obvious. Underneath that icy exterior was a bloodthirsty, unhinged titan killing machine. With extreme anger issues.

Later the young man would come to learn just how deep that emotion ran, kept under tight lock and key. But for now, all he knew was he found someone who hated titans with an intensity that burned hotter than the sun.

In spite of being moments away from being summoned to the grand courtroom to answer for his actions in Trost, Eren felt strangely calm.

Somehow this man wouldn't allow the Military Police to execute him and he'd be free to fufill a lifelong dream.

 _ **Get ready boy. I gotta feelin' that shorty's gonna try somethin' crazy. I swear though...if he gets too carried away-**_

 _Quiet._ Eren whispered internally. _Whatever you're sensing...please take it. I'm dead if you come out in the middle of the courtroom._

His titan huffed.

 _ **Fine. But this is the ONLY time I let a human push us around.**_

Eren breathed out a sigh of relief, drawing funny looks from the MPs sent to escort him upstairs where Supreme Commander Darius Zackly held his fate-along with all of humanity's-in his hands.

 _Thank you._

 _ **Tch. Whatever. This better be worth it.**_

 _Shh. It's time._

Without another word, Eren felt his titan withdraw into the deepest recesses of his mind and body. Otherwise, he'd lose it and shift in front of everyone in the courtroom. Which would be a complete disaster.

He swallowed back a rush of bile, squared his shoulders and under the prodding of the guards made his way down the hallway to the trial that would determine if he lived or died.

He prayed things would swing in his favor.

Otherwise, he wouldn't be walking out of the courtroom alive.


	4. Chapter 4

**Episode 21 was rough to watch. I think if the Levi Squad hadn't been killed it would've spared a lot more lives and the death count wouldn't be as high. And even now, with the direction the manga's going I gotta bad feeling a lot more of the elites-along with some of the kids-are gonna bite it. Hange and Erwin in particular stand out. There's been far too many death flags popping up around them and after what happened to Mike...nobody's safe.**

 **Anyway I'm glad everyone's enjoying this! :)**

Eren lay flat on his unkept bed, teal eyes glassy and red from soaking his pillow with his guilt, grief and bone deep regret. It'd been only two hours since the decimated Scouting Legion returned to the Karanese District and the boy felt nothing but despair and anger clawing at his mind, tearing apart his battered soul.

 _Dead._ He thought, repeating the word like a mantra. _Dead, dead...they're all dead...it's all my fault...I shoulda just went with my gut..._

The lifeless faces of the Special Ops Squad wouldn't leave his mind alone. He saw them in excruciating detail: Gunther's deeply slashed nape, body swaying in the breeze... Eld bitten in half...his legs dropping from the Female's mouth before she disrespectfully spat out the upper half of his torso onto the forest floor...Oulo getting kicked apart with one swift strike of the Female's leg...the unnatural angle of Petra's back and neck as she lay there smashed against a tree staining the trunk with her blood...oh God... _Petra-_

The young man's bile rose and he rushed to the open window, his body wracked by violent dry-heaving. He slid bonelessly down the wall trying to rid his mouth of the sour taste of his stomach lining. Levi hadn't spoken a word to him since they returned back to the old castle and was currently holed up in his own room, refusing company. The lethal arctic glare the broken, guilt-ridden teen received when he mustered the courage to ask how the older man was feeling, terrified him more than any titan.

 _ **So, kid. What've we learned?**_

The mocking tone his titan used in asking the question did nothing to help Eren's fragile mental state. _Go away. I can't deal with you right now-_

 _ **Yes. You are. I told ya to let me out and fight. Repeatedly. But noooo.**_ The tambre of its voice deepened as anger filled it. _**YOU JEST**_ _ **HAD**_ _ **TO LISTEN TO THAT STUPID BITCH GIVE HER STUPID LITTLE TRUST SPEECH WHILE BEING CHASED BY A TITAN WHO COULD DO THINGS THEY'D NEVER SEEN BEFORE AND WEREN'T PREPARED TO HANDLE. AND**_ _ **YOU**_ _ **LIKE THE INDECISIVE WEAKLING YOU ARE, MADE THE FATAL MISTAKE BELIEVING HER.**_ _ **DIDN'T** **YOU?! AND ALSO...GETTING MY HEAD KICKED OFF HURT LIKE HELL YOU STUPID, FOOLISH BOY!**_

Eren started shaking again as his titan ruthlessly ripped into his mind flooding his soul with another wave of guilt and regret. He should've known he couldn't count on a demon to sympathize with his plight. Ever since his resurrection in Trost, a lot more people were dying on his account. It should've been the other way around.

He now possessed immense power and he _still_ couldn't protect the ones he cared about. The young shifter wrapped his arms around his knees, rocking back and forth in a feeble attempt to comfort himself. It didn't matter that he went titan and fought the Female. She still bested him. He'd been so distraught at the brutal slaughter of his squad that he didn't realize he'd been throwing his punches around, hitting nothing but air. Roaring into the bitch's face as he straddled her waist, threatening to devour her wouldn't change anything. His friends were dead and it was his fault.

 _I'm sorry...I-I'll never second guess you again. I'll give it all to you. Every last ounce of my humanity is yours. I was weak...useless...I had the chance to fight...even Captain Levi was willing to change the plan...but I can't go back. I CAN'T FIX THIS!_

 _ **Again, WHO'S fault is that? Not mine. I gave you every chance on that path. I banged on the door. I screamed at you to let me out. But ya chose the human way. The SAFER road. And now yer friends are dead. And that midget's locked hisself away pissed off at the world. Makes me wonder if he actually cared for that female...maybe loved her. But then again...who cares? I'm not human. I could give a damn less about feelings. Especially yours.**_

Eren collapsed to the wooden floorboards. Tears trailed in an endless stream down his cheeks, further reinforcing the crushing failure he was experiencing. He felt like he was back in that cart with Mikasa kneeling over him, keeping her eternal vigil. Unable to stem the tears as sarcastic insults were flung at the already downtrodden, shell-shocked Scouts, he covered his face with an arm so no one but Mikasa saw just how the guilt and regret over his inability to choose had cost his friends their lives.

 _Forgive me. Forgive me...I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...Petra...Eld...Oluo...Gunther...I failed...please forgive me for not acting sooner...Captain Levi...oh God, HOW am I supposed to look him in the eye after this? He hates me for sure now...wouldn't blame him...I got his people killed...WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!_

That's how Mikasa and Armin found him hours later curled up in the fetal position next to the open window rocking back and forth, arms locked around his knees, crying out the names of his lost friends. Oblivious to Mikasa laying his head in her lap, stroking his hair. Of Armin's hands resting on his back and thigh, desperately trying to comfort him, but the shifter was drowning in the darkness of his own mind.

Slowly but surely, even the anchoring presences of his two closest friends would cease to have an effect keeping the monster within at bay.

It was only a matter of time.


	5. Chapter 5

Eren was tired.

So very, very tired, depressed and borderline suicidal. It was never good when these toxic emotions were present. Then again he never expected Reiner and Bertolt to be the titans responsible for destroying Shiganshina, letting in the smiling bastard who ate his beloved mother _while he watched in helpless horror_ and annihilating 20% of the human race.

Oh and trying to capture him yet _again._ Even after they learned Annie was being held prisoner and possibly tortured-as hinted by Armin with a creepy grin on his face-the two men gathered their resolve and chose to carry out their task to the bitter end.

 _ **Let's not forget that pervy butch Ymir. She cut her losses and run. Smart girl.**_

Eren sighed, covering his eyes with his arm as he lay sprawled on his bed back at Stohess. The gruesome sight of Hannes getting bitten in half, watching his spine drop from his body along with his intestines dangling out from his severed torso replayed in gory detail behind his eyelids. All because he froze up. Just like that day back when the blond soldier carried him and Mikasa away from his shattered home seconds before the 15 meter demon dug through the wreckage and plucked his mom out with ease before making her its next meal.

 _I don't know why she wouldn't talk to me. She obviously knows a lot of things...but why? Those dicks are traitors! It's not like they NEED that kind of help, yanno._

 _ **Hn...lessee now. Once again, yer impulsiveness and HER selfishness cost even MORE lives. Gee. I wonder why that is. A vast wealth of knowledge lost and for what? So your girlfriend can keep fueling her selfish tendencies?**_ Eren's titan hummed in amusement and sarcasm. _**I'm beginnin' ta see the reason why the human race is confined behind a network of pretty grey walls...**_

"That's not the reason and you know it dickbag!"

Teal eyes darted around as the young man shoved himself upright. Frantically hoping no one was nearby and heard his outburst-

He felt his titan bump against his ribcage, slightly knocking the wind out of his lungs.

 _ **Indoor voice. Moron. Or Levi's gonna kill us.**_

Eren slowly lay back down, exhaling a relieved, shaky breath.

"Sorry," he mumbled the ever-present threat of the short Captain's promise hanging over his head like a guillotine. The titan snorted.

 _ **Ya should be. Shoutin' out like that...gonna land us-namely YOU-in hot water.**_

Eren felt one of his thick brows give an involuntary twitch.

"It _won't_ be if ya keep pushing my buttons," he growled between clenched teeth. _It really, REALLY doesn't help he's a PERMANENT part of my DNA._

 _ **Heh, but doing it's sooo much fun. It keeps me occupied.**_

 _Speaking of._ Eren shifted his arm up slightly letting a thin sliver of light into his bleary eyes. Even that was a bit too much for his retinas to handle so he re-covered his eyes. Soothing blackness replaced vision.

 _Ahhhh. Much better._

It should've disturbed the young man how much more often he craved the darkness. In light of the recent massacre in that open area on top of the grueling fight between himself and his former best friends, Eren was finding it increasingly more difficult to maintain a grasp on his sanity and human emotions. The Scouts rescued him yes, but it came at a staggering cost. Some days he found himself wondering if all this death and destruction to keep him out of the shifters hands was really worth it. Hannes...that former drunken _slacker_ had died trying to avenge HIS mother, but 5 years of ODM disuse led to his brutal, graphic demise.

And Mikasa hadn't come away unscathed either. Thanks to Reiner throwing titans at the pitiful remains of the rescue party she suffered broken ribs and forced bed rest.

 _It's not like I didn't try to talk her out of following me into the military. I warned her and Armin both. Even though she's top of the class...I know her. She doesn't belong here. She never liked the Scouts to begin with anyway and she doesn't now. She's only here because of me._

 _ **Right. Cause she don't wanna lose the rest of her 'family'. That's cute.**_

Eren grabbed a fistful of his bed's comforter trying to keep his anger in check.

 _Go eat a dick._

 _ **Hell man, she might as wella said it. She considers you her BOYFR-**_

 _I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP-!_

If his titan had lips, the young shifter would've swore they'd be wearing the biggest devilish grin that would horrify any human.

 _ **Why? Cause I'm right? News flash buddy. I see, feel and experience what YOU do. Kinda explains the reason I feel cold cause YOU get hit with the need to take a dozen cold showers in the span of THREE DAYS time. Or why your crotch grows unusually hot when in the presence of said female-**_

Eren groaned loudly in defeat, letting his arm flop onto his stomach. Great. For some reason his titan had developed a weird fixation with anything sex-related and how it 'worked between the species'-meaning humans-and it wasn't helping his mind began thinking of his childhood friend as something more but too shy to act on his growing un-brotherly attraction towards her.

"I hate you."

 _ **Yeah, yeah. Keep tellin' yerself that kid. Just do me a favor. Get her alone and bang her brains out. I KNOW ya wanna-**_

Erens rolled over burying his face in his pillow and groaned. Trying and _failing_ to keep the heat rising to his cheeks.

It was gonna be a looooong night.


	6. Chapter 6

**firelass19:** **lol, the titan might not have genitals but he IS a demon and they tend to be very sex-obsessed. Like really, really, REALLY obsessed. O.O;;**

 **And of COURSE he's gonna make Eren's life as miserable as he can. it's kinda his job. anyway here's another installment for your-and everyone else's-reading pleasure. :)**

If it was one thing Eren was beginning to learn the hard way, it was what kind of materials the road to good intentions was built on.

So far, his dream-or rather...it was _Armin's_ dream, funny how _he_ was the true instigator of this whole destructive cycle-of eradicating the titans and going to see the ocean was a complete bust. Thousands of brave souls had perished and Commander Erwin had just declared war on the Interior elite.

He excused himself from the war council needing to find somewhere private so he could talk to his titan without interruptions. The teal-eyed shifter felt Mikasa's worried gaze pierce through his soft cotton shirt but he assured her he needed to go someplace quiet to think and absorb the bold direction Erwin was taking.

As soon as he disappeared around the mouth of the small cave they were huddled in, Eren took off down the corridor at a dead sprint. The farther he traveled the darkness grew thicker and he could smell the dampness settling into the rocks.

Finally after about a few minutes of hard running he found a small alcove in the wall, no more than a open overhang that went back about three feet with the sides sloping down to form a semi-enclosed space.

He dropped to his knees and crawled to the very back. Resting himself against the chilled stone he braced his frame and settled into a kneeling position, hands planted on the dirt floor.

 _What the hell is the Commander thinking? Staging an all-out rebellion against the government? Has he SERIOUSLY lost his damn mind?_

 _ **Well, well, well...looks like Goldie's finally pullin' out the big guns for this party.**_

 _A party I want no part of._

 _ **Hn. Ya got no choice in the matter. We gotta big part to play. Might as well give 'em one hell of a show.**_

Eren recalled the varying degrees of shock and disbelief on his friends' faces, including his own. _My God. Can this get ANY worse? Bad enough we got titans waiting to make us their next meal, now there's HUMANS we need to worry about. Just our friggen luck._

His sigh dissipated into the cracks that spider-veined through the alcove's ceiling. He knew firsthand how cruel people could be to their own kind. Flashes of his nine year old self stabbing two animals to death while Mikasa killed the third flickered through his mind in full color. The smell of freshly spilled blood all over the man's shirt, his hands, the knife blade dripping sticky crimson, his clothes and face spattered in it...fueling his anger, his ever-present bloodlust a siren song in his ear.

A melody he couldn't get enough of.

 _ **Boy don't lie to yerself.**_ A low hum vibrated deep in the young man's chest. _**Ya want it bad. I can taste yer thirst for blood.**_

 _I guess you're right._

 _ **Of course I am. I tend to be with these kinda things.**_

 _You don't even know what's coming next._

 _ **I know. I just like to prophesy every once in a while.**_

Eren snorted and rolled his eyes.

 _That's Armin's job yanno._

 _ **Oops. Don't wanna steal the dandelion's thunder. Without that genius mind, he's totally useless. Just like how the Asian gets when her man's in danger-**_

"Watch it..." Eren said, narrowing his eyes in warning.

"Watch what?"

He jumped at the sound of Mikasa's voice cracking his head against the wall hard enough to see stars shoot across his vision.

"Owww," he groaned rubbing the back of his skull. Already he felt the pain from the mild concussion begin to subside thanks to his healing factor. Mikasa peered down at the boy she was beginning to view as more than her adopted brother worry and confusion playing across her delicate face. It didn't seem to fit the parameters of their evolving relationship. "Don't _ever_ sneak up on me again."

"Sorry," the girl apologized. "But...what were you talking about?"

Eren racked his brain for an explanation that wouldn't raise her protective instincts.

"Uh...just that this rebellion thing the Commander's planning is gonna put a lot of us at risk." He squinted up, hoping she'd buy it. "Not ta mention it's dangerous as hell. He needs to watch it. But I'll be fine." He flashed what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "We'll all be alright."

She studied his words for what seemed to be years before nodding in acceptance, extending her hand for him to take.

He looked at it for a few moments, not quite ready to head back and face the political intrigue the brass seemed hell bent dragging everyone into in their search for the truth.

"Let's get back. They're waiting for us. Captain Levi sent me to get you. Said if you don't come now, he'll come in person."

Eren swallowed the fear back into a tiny corner of his gut as he took her calloused palm in his. The teen knew from experience Levi wouldn't be as soft on him as Mikasa was.

WIthin seconds the pair retraced his steps as they went to rejoin their friends.

 _ **Nice save.**_

The tunnel's dim interior hid Eren's crooked smirk.

 _I think I'm gettin' the hang of this. Annie's not the only one who can fake it._


	7. Chapter 7

**In the spirit of Halloween-I personally don't celebrate it-here's the traumatic, bloody demise of the Levi Squad and Eren's chaotic fight with the Female Titan and it's aftermath. Enjoy! :)**

 _"Eren don't you trust us? You promised you would!"_

Eren hovered between joining the fight and breaking the Levi Squad's fragile trust or he could place said faith in his comrades and continue towards HQ at full speed.

Petra's earnest pleading wasn't helping his conflicted emotions. His titan on the other hand was beyond listening to the petite woman's ill-timed speech.

 **Uh SERIOUSLY?! Helllooooo! We're being chased...AND YER GIVING SOME GAY SPEECH ABOUT TRUST?! WHAT THE HELL, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! KID. BITE YER HAND AND LEMME PUT IN SOME WORK ON THIS SHE-MALE TITAN! OI! YOU EVEN** _ **LISTENIN'**_ **PANSY?!**

Leaves, branches and shouts along with the Female bearing down hard on their position blurred together. Eren felt like his head was about to explode. Teeth hovering inches from the skin of his left hand, he hesitated futher as their enemy kept pace with their hurtling forms, threatening to close what narrow gap they had left.

 _Maybe Petra's right. I should place my trust in their skills._

 **NO! WRONG!** The titan was practically giving the young shifter a massive headache with his bestial roaring. **NORMAL TACTICS WON'T WORK ON HER! FIGHT! DON'T LET THEM THINK FOR YOU BRAT! DON'T LET THEM TAKE YER CHOICES AWAY!**

 _SHUT UP!_ Eren mentally shouted back. Six pairs of burning eyes bored into his face, waiting. Hopeful. _I can't risk losing their trust! Not like this._

 ** _SCREW _ TRUST! THAT AIN'T THE ISSUE HERE. WE'RE GONNA DIE IF YA DON'T DO SOMETHING!**

Gritting his teeth, Eren made a sharp turn and propelled himself in the direction of HQ and found his mouth uttering nine words that would haunt him to the end of his days.

 _"I have faith in the Levi Squad. Good luck!"_

 _ **Yeah. This is TOTALLY gonna end well for them-**_

 _They're the best of the best,_ Eren argued as he kept one eye trained on the battle behind him. _Captain Levi picked them himself._

 _ **Who cares? Did you not HEAR what she did to the right flank?! Well DID YOU?! Yeah. Complete and utter destruction. All cause she wants us for some ungodly reason. Oh and the ginger taunting someone who can outfight and outthink everyone in the room was such a greeeeaaat idea...**_

Eren glanced back at his friends rushing to face the Female form determined to slow her down. But he doubted they were going to let her live. She'd inflicted way too many casualties.

He watched in awe as they backed the Female into a tree. She had both hands covering her nape, but Eld would have none of it as he pointed to the underside of his shoulder. Watched as Petra and Oluo acknowledge the silent order without a word.

 _Look!_ He thought, willing his titan to see his friends put in work, but it didn't bother sparing the battle a single glance. _They didn't need us after all. They're gonna do it!_

 _ **Nope. They're dead.**_

Moments after the titan spoke, the Female's right eye flew open. And when it did, the Levi Squad ran out of time.

Eren zoomed between the trunks of the giant trees. Screaming a primordial wail that could be heard for miles as he watched solid, dependable Eld get snagged in mid strike and bitten in half.

 _ **Oooh. Access denied.**_

Petra was next. Terrified of the titan's insane regen ability, she lost altitude and unable to regain her composure was driven into the trunk of a tree by the Female's foot. Squashed like an insect.

 _ **Hah! That's whatcha get talking trash AND denying us the right to choose, ya stupid fool.**_

 _NOOOOOO!_ The horrified scream of denial echoed through Eren's mind. Unable to close his ears to his titan's callous running commentary it only fueled his rage as he watched Oluo strike their enemy's nape. Watched in shocked disbelief as his paring blades shattered on contact. Next instant he was kicked in two pieces, his blood painting several trunks on the way down to the grass below.

 _ **Well boy?**_ It purred as its host hovered just meters where the Female crouched, healing her wounds. _**Whatcha gonna do now?**_

 _"I will..."_

 _ **Yes?**_

 _"I will..."_

 _ **You will...**_

Rage engulfed Eren, flooding his entire body, his mind, his soul, his veins.

 **"I WILL KILL IT!"**

Without hesitation, he bit down hard. A brilliant, whistling explosion of yellowish light lit up the center of the forest like a solar flare.

Eren opened his mouth and let loose a blood-curdling shriek of dark rage. The titan laughed uncontrollably as his enraged host hurtled through the trees with nothing on his mind but the intent to rip the Female apart and devour her whole.

Unfortunately his emotions were running so high he was unable to control his punches and in the end, his enemy managed to decapitate him with one powerful kick.

Eren hazed in and out of consciousness as she cracked open her giant jaw and bit through the nape of his headless combat form. His titan had only a second to yell _**kid!**_ before he was yanked out, tendons dangling before being settled gingerly on a saliva-filled tongue.

Then darkness descended and Eren knew no more until he came to on a cart fleeing towards Karanese District.

Guilt overtook the young shifter and remorseful tears spilled out of his eyes to wet the wood near his neck. His comrades were dead and it was his fault.

 _I should've went with my instincts._

The cart rolled on, uncaring that one of its occupants was drowning in guilt and despair. He felt Mikasa's watchful black eyes on his form and somehow the sight of _her_ alive when so many others had lost their lives only further added stinging pain to his wounded heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Eren hated chains.

And underground dungeons.

But at this point he was beyond caring what happened to himself. After learning he'd eaten his own father to obtain his shifter powers-and some mysterious power called the 'Coordinate'-he was drained. Both in mind and spirit.

He was on his knees, stripped to the waist, arms chained to opposite ends of solid rock. The gloomy interior of the ruined Reiss chapel did nothing to dispel the growing despair of the possibility his friends might not make it in time to save his sorry ass yet _again,_ while Krista-who he just learned was none other than Historia Reiss-the last living member, besides her father Rod, of the royal family and the ones responsible for holding humanity captive.

Tired and sluggish from his kidnapping he could only hang his head as he tried to absorb Rod's discourse on his father being a shifter and massacring the entire Reiss family and eating Historia's half-sister Frieda to steal the Coordinate's power. He felt sick. _My father committed mass-murder. Men, women...even, oh God...CHILDREN died. In this very building. In this dungeon we're standing in now._

Rod stepped behind him, his daughter at his side, telling him it was time to remember.

And then memories flooded his brain.

Images of his father approaching the Reiss chapel and transforming, murderous rage in his eyes, his face half-transformed as he stormed the spacious building. Screams and cries as the entire royal bloodline fell to his wrath assaulted his mind. He saw Frieda Reiss combing her long black hair an older version of her half-sister Historia. Saw the flash as she transformed. Her heavily ringed irises added to her titan's wildness. He saw her put up a fight, but Grisha was far too strong and she was too inexperienced to stand a chance.

Tears pricked the corners of his leaden eyes.

 _ **Looks like the apple don't fall too far, eh kid? Like father, like son.**_

The teen was far too exhausted to formulate a reply. All he could think of was his father was connected to this whole mystery and _he never bothered to tell me._

But Rod wasn't finished.

After the deluge of memories subsided he turned and commanded his daughter to become a titan and eat him.

He heard the blond girl gasp, horrified at the cold-blooded order.

 _It's not like I don't deserve it. Too many people have died for me. Too many lives sacrificed and for what? A future that might never come to be? Is that what they've laid down their lives so willingly for? A silly, frivolous dream?_

He found his dry lips reassuring Historia that if she shifted he wouldn't fight her if she ate him on the spot. Found himself reeling off the names of friends who had paid for this knowledge Rod had revealed with their lives.

Meanwhile below the ledge he was kneeling on he heard Kenny Ackerman-Captain of the Central 1st Brigade or the Anti-Human Suppression Force-lament the fact he couldn't become a titan and fufill his dream of becoming the Coordinate. That only members of the Reiss family could use this power properly.

If he wasn't in such a pitiful state of mind, Eren would've laughed.

Neither was he.

 _ **Oi kid. Yer not serious about lettin' yerself git eaten. Are ya?**_ For the first time, something akin to fear colored the titan's voice. _**You can't die. Hear me brat? Snap outta yer damn funk and shift already!**_

Kenny seemed to have the same idea in mind, because the next thing Eren knew was the cold slice of a sharp knife slicing his forehead open and the warm wetness of blood running down his nose and cheeks.

 _ **C'mon kid. Now's our chance!**_

Eren didn't move.

 _ **Kid...**_ his titan growled, angry at the fading chance. _**I swear if you don't shift in the next TWO SECONDS-**_

The rest of his sentence was drowned out by the chapel's door exploding outward and the blurred forms of Levi and Mikasa shooting through the gap, swords drawn.

Ready for combat.

 _ **Never mind kid. Yer attack dogs jest showed up to save the day. Again.**_

Eren didn't move or respond.

Then he heard Historia loudly reject her father's request.

The sound of a glass syringe shattering over the stone floor made time stand still for a few moments.

Rod Reiss screamed and in that instant all hell broke loose.

 **A/N: cyber cookies and milk go to** **firelass19** **for her enthusiastic support of this fic. I gotta admit, with memories and dream sequences a recurring theme in the series, it's been fun getting inside Eren's mind. From the manga/anime it's quite possible the poor kid's suffering from severe retrograde amnesia which can fracture your mind into pieces. I say this, because several scenes in the anime don't seem to fit in with the rest of the storyline as we know it-i.e., Eren murdering two adult men in cold-blood without remorse over his actions, the scene with Grisha injecting him with some serum and him in extreme hysterics over it. Cause let's face it, a child living with a loving family wouldn't be psycologically or physically capable of performing such an action unless extensively trained by an adult beforehand. Like Annie, Reiner and Bertolt were.**

 **Anyway if you've got any theories regarding the show, we can chat via PM. Enjoy and don't forget to review! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys! I forget who was responsible for molesting Armin: a member of the Wall Cult or a dirty cop. I'm leaning towards the former, but it's been a while since I read that section of the manga, so feel free to correct or confirm if it was a Wallist or not and I'll make the adjustment. This is the scene where Eren was sitting off to the side-something I found odd, usually HE'S the first one to offer comfort concerning his friends. But instead Jean was the one consoling the poor boy. I believe this is part of the subtle yet gradual 'growing apart' process Isayama was talking about in one of his interviews.**

 **As always, enjoy and review! :)**

Armin's soft sobbing was the only sound breaking the somber silence of the empty, mocking room he'd been found in after being molested by a member of the insidious Wall Cult. Jean knelt next to him trying to soothe away his smaller friend's distress.

Eren sat off to the side by himself fingering the key to his old home's cellar, strangely detached and emotionally aloof from his friend's suffering. Normally he'd be right by the blond boy's side comforting him, but after the hellish nightmare of being kidnapped, forced to learn of his father's bloody suicide by _his_ dumb titan form, then having to stop a 100+ meter Rod Reiss from breaching the Orvud District's gate he was mentally numb.

What really rubbed him raw was the hard fact the Reiss family had the power to do something about the titan threat _and chose to do nothing about it._ It'd been clear from the jump Frieda Reiss would rather let humanity remain trapped in their cages forever than challenge the status quo.

 **Awww...looks like the wittle lamb's all shook up.** The titan bumped his host's chest just enough that no one would detect the movement under Eren's shirt. **Ya gonna go pat his lil head or sumthin' like that? Yanno, give the usual 'everythin' gonna be alright' speech, or whatever it is humans do in this kind of situation.**

 _Nope. Don't feel like it. Let horse-face deal with his blubbering. Besides, I'm done holding his hand._

Eren held the key loosely in his strong fingers as images of him jumping down a titan's gullet to save the weakest of their group flashed through his mind. Just as swiftly the horror of being swallowed alive and bobbing in boiling blood surrounded by corpses emerged, and he made quick work of banishing it in the smallest mental closet he could find.

If the titan could lift his eyebrows he would've at the boy's callous thoughts, immensely pleased at Eren's rapid distancing from his humanity. It had taken some work-there was still much more to be done-however the brutal, gruesome demise of the Levi Squad seemed to have the biggest impact on Eren to date besides watching the images of his idiot mother get eaten alive. But the titan was highly confident the kid would get so fed up with more of his friends dying to keep him safe, that it would push him over the edge-

-where it would stand at the bottom of that black chasm, fleshless lips bared in an eternal slasher grin, bright green eyes glowing with triumph as it caught the broken young man in its impossibly massive arms. When that day finally came, it would lean over and whisper _welcome home, child_ in the exhausted boy's ear.

Given Eren's erratic mental state he was more than halfway there. It helped that his host had near zero self-control over his emotions. The kid's anger in particular was exceptionally delicious and it did all it could to feed on the succulent feast it presented whenever it was summoned into battle.

It threw out a sarcastic-tinged reply, waiting to see what kind of reaction it would get.

 _ **But yer the one with all this empathy aren't ya? I mean...makin' horse-face pick up yer slack? Tsk tsk. For shame kid, it's almost like yer starting to act like...like...**_

Eren silently answered without thinking. _Like a titan._

 _ **Well to be fair, and I quote yer friend, 'To rise above monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity'. Just be careful ya don't slip and give away just how far you've fallen. We don't want those fools tryin' ta hold ya back from having fun.**_

Eren's glazed teal orbs stared at nothing. Armin's soft weeping and Jean's quiet murmuring faded into background noise as he fell deeper into his thoughts. In the past, he made a conscious effort not to lose track of where he was when he got like this. But with everyone's focus on Armin, there was no attempt to mask his growing indifference to his friends and humanity in general.

The more exposed he became to the filth and corruption that dwelled in the Interior's rotten core he found himself questioning his mission more often, whether the human race deserved to be saved, to break down the walls that held them captive. If he was really going to be honest what would humanity do once they tasted freedom again? Rejoice? Cower in fear? Turn on him and his friends and demand they pay with their lives for destroying the only thing close to normalcy they had?

 _The walls didn't stop those kidnappers from killing Mikasa's parents or willing to sell her to a bunch of Captiol perverts. Nor did they keep Bertolt from kicking the gate in and destroying our home. He let in that smiling demon who ate Mom! He...he killed our classmates back in Trost! He doesn't deserve to live. Neither does Reiner._

 _ **Yer a monster too kid. Don't kid yerself. Anyway, we need to stay focused. When we make our way back to seal Wall Maria stay on guard. Now that the shifters have been outed they're gonna redouble their efforts to capture you. And just so ya know...I DON'T wanna get my head kicked off this time.**_

Eren expelled a quiet breath.

 _You won't. I promise. Squad Leader Hange's gonna help me develop my hardening ability._

Then he snorted at his titan's ironic statement.

 _Fun. Yeah. That's exactly what I need. It's been awhile since I had some._


	10. Chapter 10

Eren lay motionless as Hange cut him out of his titan form, yelling something about drawing his face for comparison before it healed. He was bone-tired from multiple shifts. The newly acquired hardening ability he ingested back at that cave to protect his friends from a monstrous Rod Reiss was tougher to master than he thought it would be.

Then again, the bottle had clearly been labeled "Strongest-BRAUN" on its side. A serum for Reiner perhaps? Maybe he was the only one capable of utilizing the armor to its fullest potential. Just like Annie mastered Crystal and Bertolt Steam.

All he could manage was creating hardened structures. Perfect for plugging the breached gates of Wall Maria.

He heard Moblit shouting at his boss, asking if she was even human anymore. The shifter had to wonder that himself. Maybe abusing his body for the greater good wasn't so great after all. Maybe...just _maybe,_ humanity didn't deserve to be free. Maybe the King was right.

He groaned as he felt his damaged face heal itself. _That friggen hurts like a bitch. Remind me again **why** I'm doing this? Oh right. For the glory of humanity._

 _ **Mmmm. Yer flesh tastes good boy. Gimme more.**_

Eren slowly blinked, mustering the last of his energy to respond to his titan's ever-growing presence in his mind and body. A consequence of staying in his titan form for longer periods of time.

 _S'not like...I gotta choice...anymore. And 'sides...it's nice and warm in...there..._

Eren refused to admit to Hange or anyone for that matter, he wanted to stay wrapped in his titan skin and not come out on his handlers commands. This was another reason besides overuse that it was becoming more difficult for Levi and Hange to cut him out of his titan's nape. Why his real body looked like his flesh was melting. Why it put even _more_ worry and concern in Mikasa's voice and actions.

 _ **So does this mean...you accept me?**_

The consequences of sacrificing his humanity were enormous. But after listening to Reiss' discourse his depression had gotten worse and worse. Not to mention nobody seemed to pay attention to him unless he was seething with rage.

 _They're all too busy playing politics and discussing bloodlines and whatever._

He also didn't like the way Armin seemed to be drifting off and spending more time hanging around horseface. Or how he was willing to sacrifice greater numbers of people for the glory of the human race. He didn't like how his best friend was steadily turning into Erwin as time went on.

 _ **Careful kid. That dandelion was willing to sever his bond with Annie for the sake of the 'greater good'. Who's ta say he won't apply that logic to you one day? If he deems you a threat to humanity, rest assured he's gonna do it. No questions asked. He won't care if yer his friend. I mean, Annie was and look where that got her.**_

He heard the titan hum in warning and anticipation. The human side of him tried to shout _don't do it!_ but thanks to pressure from the Coordinate and his steadily eroding willpower, Eren simply no longer had the energy to care.

 _I_

 _submit._

Warmth flooded his soul.

 **So yeah...I was reading tumblr theories last night and the possibility that Eren might snap and end up humanity's downfall instead of its savior gave me the bad kind of chills. It might not be as far-fetched as we want to believe. With everyone else in the manga discoursing with each other I notice Eren staring at and/or past them in a lot of panels. Saying absolutely nothing. And that worries me.**

 **Like I said before, Eren's the kind of person who slips away quietly and nobody would be the wiser until it's too late. Ya gotta believe being treated like a guinea pig and Hange's blatant disregard of Eren's mental and physical state when he was working on his hardening ability-along with his friends taking him for granted-has taken a serious toll on his psyche.**

 **I'm leaning towards the possibility that he might just give humanity the middle finger and join the Warriors cause. Hey with Isayama, anything can happen.**

 **Enjoy and don't forget to review! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: big hugs to** **firelass19** **for her enthusiastic reviews. She's been asking me if any of Eren's friends have been noticing any changes with our favorite suicidal shifter for the last couple of chps, so this chapter is Mikasa-centric and briefly touches on that. :)**

 **As always, enjoy and don't forget to let me know what you think! :)**

Mikasa couldn't help but feel something was terribly off with her childhood friend. It bothered her because she prided herself being able to read Eren like a book, but lately he seemed to disappear into his head for longer periods of time.

And that worried the black-haired girl.

Instead of being his loud, charismatic self, the brunette shifter grew increasingly quieter. Whenever she or several of their friends were engaged in heated debates over theories and bloodlines and who was related to who, the boy faded into the background. Offering no opinions or contributing to the conversation.

Silent.

Withdrawn.

 _Distant._

He was starting to act more like that damned pipsqueak with each passing day. The more they exposed the vile, rotten core of the Interior's elite the less inclined she believed Eren should put himself at risk for these... _ **animals.**_ They weren't people. Not anymore. Not when they left the poor, working-class families on the outskirts to starve while the rich hoarded all the resources and technological advances.

Or sent 20% of the human race in a thinly disguised purge to ease hunger shortages.

Or ignore the fact most of the poor souls sent to their deaths were the old and infirm and who _knew_ things about the outside world.

Armin's grandfather had been killed by these corrupted pigs.

So was anyone else who dared to challenge the status quo. Those who tried to advance technology for the common man-or dared to get close to the truth about the titans-were executed by the Anti-Human Suppression Squad better known to the public as the Central Military Police, the King's personal attack dogs.

She wanted to talk to Armin so badly about it but found herself making excuses. And _she_ was too scared to confront Eren simply because he would react violently to any form of prying on her part. So she remained quiet, against her body's protests that she take action. No need to rock the boat.

She thought back to Eren's first trial and couldn't help but feel Captain Levi was on to something when he insulted the merchants, calling them _swine_ in open court...

Right now, they were equipped with brand-new ODM gear the Central Military Police had kept under wraps until the Survey Corps invaded their territory. Crowned Historia as the true Queen of the Walls under pressure from the Captain. Was among Levi's first picks for his new squad to protect Eren and the last living Reiss from any threats to their lives.

But none of that seemed to matter.

Mikasa wasn't fully sure what was going on, but Eren appeared to be slipping further and further away...and like in the forest surrounding that cabin she had the uneasy feeling he preferred the company of his own thoughts and... _whatever_ he was talking to more than the company of the living.

From her.

From Armin.

From the new Levi Squad and rebel forces.

But he'd always run ahead of everyone else. She said as much to Armin after Reiner...that _bastard_...had kidnapped Eren with Bertolt's help the first time and carried him and Ymir off. And it scared her to the core when the blond not only agreed but further stated it seemed to be the star he was born under. That it was in his blood, his destiny to be separated from the people who loved him the most.

She swallowed a hot, uncomfortable lump back down her throat. Hoping against hope her friend would be wrong for once in his life. Mikasa _needed_ Armin to be wrong, so very _very_ badly it was killing her inside. She hoped he didn't mean the shifters would be successful in capturing Eren and take him somewhere she couldn't follow. Maybe this was all just a product of her overworked, exhausted brain.

Yeah. That _had_ to be it.

The prodigy didn't want to admit it to anyone, especially Eren, but her headaches were getting worse. No sense in worrying him further. All she could do was forcibly maintain a stiff upper lip, suck it up and pray her fragile mind wouldn't snap under the horrible strain.

 _Please be careful Eren. For me. For the people who love you dearly._ She mentally pleaded because he'd snap at her if she dared say it to his face. With the string of unprecedented good fortune the Scouts and their allies were experiencing thus far, she knew it was only a matter of time before something went wrong.

She thought back to the Forest of Giant Trees, the horror of Annie Leonhart as the infamous Female Titan and the massacre she inflicted in her search for Eren. _Our luck might run out someday and I might never see you again._


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Well guys, 2015 is almost in the books. It's hard to believe I've been on this site for a year now! So yeah...looking forward to seeing everybody in 2016 along with new friends and followers. And special shout out to** **firelass19** **for her enthusiastic support of Eren's Jekyll and Hyde moments with his titan. This's been a blast to write so expect more entries sometime after the 1st of the year. Merry Christmas and have a safe, happy New Year! :)**

Eren lay motionless under the sharpened piece of wood impaled through his shoulder like a harpoon, as he tried to focus on Armin urging him to let go of his humanity. His shirt and the rock he was sprawled on were both heavily drenched in his sticky, crimson lifeblood. He could very easily shift right then and there, and the mortal wound he suffered-one that would've killed a regular human in minutes-would heal as if it never happened.

But the rapid blood loss combined with his conflicted emotions of Annie's stunning revelation kept him pinned to the ground.

 _Man just shut up._ He thought as Armin finished up his speech and darted out into the wrecked street to confront Annie. _I tried that several days ago and it got my friends killed._

 _ **That's cause ya let 'em talk you out of it.**_ The titan was quick to jump into the middle of his doubtful thoughts. _**But...those obstacles aren't here anymore.**_

The teal-eyed shifter stared up at the monstrous slab of concrete obscuring his vision of the blue, cloud-studded sky. Blood pooled around his body but he didn't notice.

 _ **Are they?**_

 _No._

He heard a sharp, ringing clang of steel meeting crystallized flesh. Heard Jean bellow sharply at his blond friend. The next thing he heard was the familiar snap and twang of ODM hooks and Armin was off to the races. Leaving him behind.

 _They held me back._

 _ **Yes.**_

 _They were afraid of you. Of me._

 _ **Big mistake.**_

 _Yes._

 _ **Their humanity got them killed.**_

 _I know._

 _ **So. What will you do now?**_

Eren sank into his memory banks. Allowed the brutal images of the Levi Squad and his beloved mother's death flash before his eyes, from freshest to oldest but no less viscerally damaging and powerful.

Rage flowed through every nook and cranny of his abused body, feeling its lava heat burn through every restraint, every check and balance that kept his darker impulses locked in their stifling cage called a conscience.

 _ **That's it boy! Keep going!**_

Eren growled as he pushed up to his elbows, grinding his shoulder against the wooden stake that was keeping him from his goal. Blood spurted faster out of the self-inflicted wound but he didn't care. He felt his eyes bulging out of his head, teeth cracking together as his titan eagerly surged into the gap.

Kill Annie Leonhart.

Make her pay for her crimes.

Avenge his fallen friends.

 _Kill her. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. Consequences be damned._

 _ **YESSSS!**_ The titan was dizzy with unbridled glee as his host fed his humanity into its waiting maw without hesitation. _**I'M ALMOST THERE KID! JEST A LITTLE BIT MORE!**_

Eren let out a blood-curdling roar, the alien power within causing his eyes to churn and boil into something wild and uncontrolled and chaotic and-

The crack of lightning drowned out the shifter's last thread of coherent thought and in its place stood the manifestation of humanity's rage. Thudding feet of a fifty foot killing machine thundered through the streets of Stohess, shaking the ground, the houses, ant-like figures scattered to get away from the terror of a God's wrath-

Windows shattered as Eren hurtled down the street, a mighty howl like the voices of a thousand human souls wailing-or a legion of demons screaming-he wasn't quite sure anymore-ripping from his throat.

Then he connected with a powerful haymaker to the traitor's face. Watched in perverse, vengeful satisfaction at the utter shock in Annie's oversized blue eyes as the force of his punch sailed her further down the street and sent her titan body crashing through the domed roof of some kind of church. He wasn't sure what it was and at the moment could care less that he destroyed a religious landmark held sacred by the Wall Cult.

Without giving her a chance to breathe he charged.

 _ **NO MERCY!**_ The titan shouted in Eren's ear and grinned wider when the boy obliged by chasing her around the city. _**LEMME TASTE THIS BITCH'S BLOOD.**_

 _I INTEND TO!_

Spurred on by his promise, the titan pumped his legs faster and faster in response to the boy's feverish thirst to fight.

And fight they did. Titanic blows were exchanged between the former friends. Pleasure washed through the titan and human alike as they threw Annie over the top of an apartment complex then bulldozed their way through to keep the pressure on.

Relentless.

Ruthless.

 _Don't stop! Keep on her!_ Eren's dark commands sliced through the mounting chaos. _Destroy the city. Destroy EVERYTHING!_

The titan chuckled, shaking his host's frame through the meaty connector tendons.

 _ **Roger that.**_

But Annie refused to go down without a fight. She waled a diamond-hard fist on the top of his head. Screaming bloody murder.

 _ **Ow.**_

 _Wham!_

 _ **Ow.**_

 _Crunch!_

 _ **OW! ENOUGH ALREADY!**_

Finally the blows stopped. Good thing because if she would've kept going they'd be in trouble. The titan swore as steam hissed from the missing limbs he'd sustained earlier. From the feel of things, most of his teeth were knocked out and the rest were broken. The top of his head throbbed and if he had any energy, he would've felt the giant bald spot where the thick, shaggy hair had been torn out by Annie's hardened fist.

 _ **Hey, kid. Ya still with me?**_

He didn't have to wait long for Eren's reply.

 _I...will..._ _ **kill them! Every last one!**_

The boy must've tapped into his vocal cords by instinct because there was no way to describe the dark, demonic tones echoing in the confines of his combat form.

Then a bright light flashed as Eren used his rage to punch out of the rubble he lay half-buried in. Screaming at the top of his voice which sent-

-wild, maddened howls careening over the destroyed homes and corpses, a clarion call of war...

and rage

and hate

and _everything must die_ _ **die DIE...**_

The next thing he knew the titan was pushing himself with unnatural speed-regardless of missing half his limbs-in hot pursuit of the fleeing Annie. Tackled her into submission then proceeded to crush her face with his remaining hand. Thick streamers of blood flew everywhere and the sight of it fuelled Eren's anger to a fever pitch.

 **DIE!**

 **ALL OF YOU!**

 _ **EVERYTHING!**_

The titan leaned over Annie's headless combat form, teeth elongated into hellish fangs-

 _ **THIS...IS...**_ _ **FREEDOM!**_

 _-_ and ripped the tender flesh of the nape away in a shower of blood, over Eren's triumphant shout/order. Exposing the vulnerable human pilot within.

 _ **Now's yer chance kid! Eat her!**_

But instead of the boy following his base instincts he froze.

 _ **What? What's going on?**_

Then he saw it.

Tears.

 _The girl was crying._

Silvery lines ran freely down her cheeks but the titan didn't care if they were repentant or out of guilty remorse for her actions.

She was food. She didn't deserve to live.

But his host hesitated.

 _ **Damn it boy, don't you DARE show this bitch mercy NOW-!**_

Too late.

A flash of bluish white light erupted from the girl's downed form followed by excruciating pain-

Eren screamed as the strange substance forcibly made his skin bubble and crawl as Annie used it as material to crystallize herself. Even the titan roared in pain as he realized what she was doing.

 _ **KID! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE, OR YER GONNA DIE!**_

Eren was becoming unresponsive and the titan barely heard the kid's Asian dog yelling his host's name. Then a sudden slice opened the skin on his nape and Eren was released. He recognized the deep masculine voice belonging to his handler, Levi as the short man's paring blades cut through his tiny panic attack and ensured his host's survival.

 _ **Tch. About time shorty. Another second and I'd be stuck in crystal with the kid for company for God knows how long. Blegh.**_

The titan felt his skin sizzle and decided to take that sarcastic thought with him as the sun hit his carcass and dissolved him into light particles.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hey, hey happy 2016 everyone! :) As promised, here's the first chapter of the new year. Enjoy!**

The war party headed toward Shiganshina was fairly silent. It had to be. Leaving the relative safety of Trost to return to the dead city sharply reminded the elite squadron most of them might never come back. They were encroaching deeper and deeper into hostile territory, which meant the slightest mistake would be their lives. There was no backup plan. No possibility of reinforcements.

They were on their own if something went wrong.

Eren trudged alongside Mikasa and Armin hood up and eyes forward. Grass bent under his boots and small branches lightly slapped his arms. This was it. Finally after months of training and Squad Leader Hange's brand new Thunder Spears, humanity had a fighting chance to end this war for good.

 _ **Don't get too far ahead of yerself.**_ His titan warned, humming deep inside the boy's chest. _**I betcha that Beast bastard's waitin' on us real cool like, so be on yer toes. If it feels too easy, it's probably a trap. Trust me this ain't no rookie we're dealin' with. Which means yer old buddies are gonna be pullin' out all the stops on this lil' meeting.**_

Eren shrugged slightly. _I can handle Reiner. I did it before-_

 _ **Not really. If yer countin' that tusslin' match back at the Wall a 'victory', then you better think again kid. You only had the upper hand cause one, yer handlers were there shouting instructions which two, allowed the Asian brat to swoop in and help. If ya couldn't take him alone last time, chances are ya ain't gonna do it this round either.**_

 _Stop nagging._ The shifter's temple twitched with a forming vein. _This isn't the 57th. We were ignorant before Annie appeared. Look at the strides we've made since then!_

 _ **So?**_

 _So? Thanks to the Commander's new toys we'll be able to take that Armored bastard down without getting too close. The Spears are gonna save more lives than ever before._

 _ **Yeah. So?**_

Eren ground his back molars together, trying not to make too much noise and attract attention.

 _I said-!_

 _ **I know whatcha said boy. Who's ta say those guys haven't upgraded already? Did Hange factor that in when she designed her toys? Do the Goldies have a plan in case they run into that problem?**_

Eren let out a quiet exhale of breath, suddenly feeling unnerved by the titan's three-part question. As much as he hated to admit it, he had an inkling Hange hadn't thought that far ahead. She created the weapons based off their current knowledge with a sample of Annie's crystal ability, but what if it wasn't enough?

What if those traitors _did_ have aces up their sleeves that the Scouts wouldn't have an answer to? Sure, the new Levi Squad was composed of the very best of the 104th Class..but that didn't mean they were exempt from dying. His old squad hadn't been and they were considered the cream of the crop-

 _ **Exactly. Skill don't matter when it comes to these guys.**_

 _We can do this._

 _ **Uh-huh. Have fun telling that to Monkey Trouble**_ _ **after**_ _ **he wipes the floor with yer friends.**_

 _C'mon man, get serious-_

 _ **When**_ _ **aren't**_ _ **I serious?**_

 _I can't do this without yer help._

 _ **You'd be dead if it wasn't for me.**_

"Hey Eren, remember when ya jumped down that titan's mouth to save me?" Armin's out of the blue question spared the brown-haired soldier from replying to his inner demon. "I haven't forgotten."

Eren kept his eyes semi-focused on the small blond as he dredged up the one graphic memory-besides his mother and Hannes dying-he'd been hard pressed to forget. He forced himself to maintain eye contact as he listened with half an ear.

 _ **Yo kid. Pay attention to the dandelion's gushing. Or he's gonna sense yer mind's wandering around without adult supervision again.**_

"How could I forget?" Eren replied, pasting a smile on his face. "When this is over, we'll go see the ocean." He glanced at his closest friends, a warmth filling his chest. "All of us."

 _ **Oh God. Since when the hell have**_ _ **you**_ _ **ever waxed poetic?**_ The titan grumbled as he bumped into the boy's ribcage. _**Forget the damn ocean and git yer head back in the game.**_

Eren grunted at the impact, drawing a concerned stare from Armin which he waved off.

 _Oi. Don't hit me in public dickless._

 _ **The**_ _ **hell**_ _ **you just called me-?!**_

 _Can it. Mikasa's right over there by the way._

 _ **Why you little-**_

 _In answer to your earlier question, ever since Armin saved Jean from dying at the hands of that dirty cop. He's spoken less and less about it, so I feel like I've got a duty to keep the spark alive-_

 _ **-by picking up his slack.**_

Eren schooled his face into the best poker mask he could summon.

 _It's not slack._

 _ **Yes it is.**_

 _No it's not._

 _ **Yes it is.**_

 _NO. It's NOT!_

 _ **YES IT BLOODY WELL IS, AND YOU KNOW IT!**_ Then after the ringing subsided in his ears and head the titan lowered the volume. _**In case ya haven't noticed, we haven't run into any serious resistance yet.**_

 _That's good._

 _ **No. That's bad. It means we're walking into a trap.**_

 _We'll get to seal the Wall that much sooner. And then we can get to the basement._

 _ **Um...hellllooo? Am I talking to MYSELF over here?! What part of the word 'trap' don't you seem to get dumbass? They know we're coming.**_

Eren flexed his shoulders.

 _Bring it on. I can handle this. We've trained our whole lives for this mission. We won't fail._

 _ **Yeah. That's what the other group said before they bit it.**_

The sound of a running stream that turned into the river that flowed through Shiganshina brought Eren out of his internal argument and into the present. He gathered his pinballing thoughts as he tried to ignore his titan's parting cynical statement.

 _We're gonna win. And then we can finally go back to the way things were._

 _ **Yeahhh...no.**_


	14. Chapter 14

_"Dad? DAD?! What're you doing?! You haven't been the same since Mom died!"_

 _The little boy's frantic shouts went unheeded by his father, who held a syringe in his hand, tears streaming down his haggard face. A mad gleam was in his eye and to a terrified Eren it was like he was staring into the face of a crazed scientist than the local town doctor._

 _His body trembled uncontrollably as the elder Jaeger grabbed his left wrist. Teal eyes wide and distended with fear and horror as his screams became louder and more frenzied._

 _"Dad! STOP!"_

 _"It's not going to make sense now, and there's no time to explain things. But I think this is the right thing to do."_

 _The needle loomed closer to his hand._

 _"DAD!"_

 _Suddenly his father's voice became more urgent._

 _"Never let anyone take this key from you son. No matter what happens, you must return to the basement at all costs. Their memories will help you unlock your power."_

 _"NOOOO!"_

 _It became hazy after that. All he remembered was the prick of the needle and a strange flash of yellow light. A growling filled his ears. He thought he saw his father standing in front on him, eyes wet and facing him with a regretful expression._

 _His first instinct was to reach out. But instead of comforting the man, he watched as his arm-was that really his?-seized the human around the torso. More growling was heard and he felt his jaw crack open, fueled by an all-consuming need for human flesh. He placed the human in his mouth and bit through vulnerable flesh-_

 _Next thing he knew he was kneeling on the ground, eyes wide in disbelief as he picked up a pair of familiar, broken glasses off the forest floor, a familiar key around his neck-_

 _Dad?_

 _His mind scrambled to make sense of what happened._

 _Then it hit him._

 _No._

 _Nononononono._

 _He'd EATEN his father._

 _That's where Commandant Shadis found him, screaming and sobbing and clutching Grisha Jaeger's blood-specked glasses in his palms._

Eren shot awake on his small barracks bed. The Castle was dead quiet, as it ususally was in the middle of the night. Sweat made his thin sleep-shirt cling to his body and his nose wrinkled in distate.

 _Disgusting. I better go wash up._

Throwing the blankets aside, he stretched his legs before hitting the plank floor in his bare feet. He padded over to his small dresser and pulled out a fresh set of clothes.

Quietly, so as not to disturb the castle's tranquility he eased his door open and peered out into the semi-lit hallway. No one was about, so he crept through the corridors, hoping against hope he wouldn't run into Captain Levi and explain why he was roaming around instead of getting his rest.

He managed to make it to the showers without being stopped. He began to peel his sweat-stained clothes off and dropped them on the floor next to the tub.

Twisting the knob Eren let the water run till it became hot, then stepped under its comforting rain. Breathing a sigh of relief and contentment he stood there under the hot spray, letting it wash the unpleasant cold sweat and if he pretended hard enough, the memory of eating his father that allowed him to gain his shifter power.

 _ **No amount of guilt's gonna change what happened, boy.**_

Eren remained silent, so his titan took that as an opportunity to keep talking.

 _ **And anyway, yer old man's a coward. Not only that, he lied straight to your face-including mommy dearest and the Asian girl- about his true mission to the Interior. The whole town doctor thing was a ruse. He never had anyone's best interest in mind except his own and the people he worked with outside the walls.**_

 _How do you-_

 _ **Know? I'm the product of yer daddy's madness, kid. And besides, shifters are skilled actors and manipulators. You know this.**_

Eren braced his head against the shower's front wall against his muscled arm, fist tightening at what the titan was saying. During his training sessions with Commander Hange, memory fragments of lost time surfaced more frequently, disjointed puzzle pieces rapidly forming a disturbing collage of what happened to him before he woke up in that barn with the key to his old home's cellar and a plethora of unaswered questions.

Now standing under the spray of rapidly cooling water, Eren wished for a split second he could go back to the way things were. Before he transformed into a monster. Before these strange new powers began driving a wedge between him and his closest friends. Before he could call his freedom and time his own until Levi and Hange became his tag-team handlers. Before his indecision cost a small elite group of people he began to consider friends their lives and many more since that horrible day among the Giant Trees.

Erwin could make grand, sweeping speeches of the glory of humanity till the end of time. The hard truth was, the Scouting Legion's manpower wasn't what it had been before the 57th and the recovery mission and subsequent battle with Reiner, Ymir and Bertolt that cost even MORE lives and Hannes-another link to Shiganshina and home-had been destroyed.

Eren gave the shower knob a few hard wrenches as he shut off the water. Stumbling out of the tub he roughly toweled himself dry then dressed in his fresh clothes. But he couldn't bring himself to move out of the bathroom. So he slid down the wall and leaned his head back.

 _I hate this._

 _ **Mm.**_

 _I hate Dad._ _ **Why**_ _didn't he tell me sooner? Then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess._

 _ **Cause he's an adult. They tend to hide important stuff from little kids like you.**_

 _Grrr, I am NOT a kid, dickless!_

 _ **I AM**_ _ **NOT**_ _ **DICKLESS YOU STUPID PANSY. THE GIRLS HAVE MORE BALLS THAN YOU AND THE OTHER COCKSUCKERS**_ _ **COMBINED**_ _ **. DO YOU REALIZE HOW SAD THAT IS?! HELL, THE ASIAN'S BUILT LIKE A DAMNED TANK AND HER ABS ARE BULLETPROOF, THAT COULD PROBABLY DEFLECT ACTUAL BULLETS.**_

Eren clapped both hands around his head, gritting his teeth against the titan's shouting. It didn't take long for a headache to bloom behind his eyes.

"Shut _up._ " He growled, taking care to keep his voice below a shouted whisper. No need to wake anyone, especially Captain Levi.

 _ **NO.**_

"HEADACHE RETARD. Keep it _down."_

 _ **OR...WHAT?**_

"I JUST got out of the shower. I don't feel like taking another one. Besides, I've been gone too-"

"Jeager."

The boy froze at a very familiar, deep baritone voice.

He slowly turned to meet an equally familiar set of piercing grey orbs with heavy bags like dark smudges rimming their sockets, a consequence of far too many sleepless nights.

Levi stood with his arms banded over his chest, glaring down at the hapless teen huddled on the floor.

"C-Captain Levi? Wha-what're you doing down here?" Eren winced at the poor choice of words.

"Did I give you permission to talk, boy?"

Eren gulped. "No, s-sir-"

"Good. Yer ears still work. So now you're gonna tell me," the short man said in a very even tone that made Eren's neck hairs stand at attention. "Why the _hell_ you're running the water at _three-thirty_ in the morning instead of _sleeping_ in your bunk like you're supposed to be, brat."

 _ **Heeeee. Have fun.**_


	15. Chapter 15

**Spoiler heavy for chapter 79 of the manga. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!**

 **As always, enjoy and review! :)**

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Everything was falling apart.

Eren swore as he stood braced against a decaying house, sheltering his friends with his titan body as best he could from Bertolt's most explosive shift yet.

 _Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!_ Debris rained from the sky as pieces of already destroyed homes turned into deadly projectiles. Eren felt his ears pop from the immense pressure Bert's shift generated.

 _Commander Hange was up there with her squad!_ He frantically yelled at his titan. _They were in the blast radius-_

 _ **Forget 'em. They're dead. Nothing could survive that. This is what happens when you underestimate the enemy.**_

The Levi Squad held on to his combat form for dear life. He turned his frame so his shoulder could take the force of the massive shockwave generated not a scarce street length away.

Eren fought the urge to cry. Hange couldn't be gone. She was like Levi.

Strong.

Smart.

Brave.

Except strength didn't matter.

Nothing the Scouts threw at the two shifters was working. Eren gritted his teeth. They'd had Reiner beat! Blew off his armor with the Thunder Spears, exposing his nape and the vulnerable pilot inside with half his head missing.

But it hadn't been enough. Somehow, the Armored Titan had survived and managed to produce a loud signal roar that alerted the Beast titan to pitch Bertolt over the wall to start his final attack.

Eren clenched his teeth, swearing furiously at their worsening predicament. He should've known this would happen. Reiner was way too tough. He'd survived not one, but two more consecutive attempts by both Ackermans and the Levi Squad to kill him for good. And with the blond shifter lying supine in the middle of the street on his back to protect his nape while he regenerated, the Scouts had no way to get close without burning up in the Colossal Titan's inferno heat.

But Bertolt was fresh.

And focused.

And angry.

And so very, very _done_ with chasing his quarry around the Walls.

 _ **Wow, kid. Never thought I'd actually see someone beat the Asian in combat. Or outsmart the dandelion for that matter. Jesus.**_

For once Eren was unable to refute his titan's statement as he stared in disbelief at the mushroom cloud rising from the middle of the city.

 _ **This is bad kid. He was supposed to shift on top of his buddy and he didn't. So now what?**_

 _I don't know, but we'll figure something out. We have to. I can't let them leave here alive. We're too close to the basement._

 _ **Which is prolly been flattened. Face it boy. That was a big boom.**_

 _Yeah. If he keeps this up, there won't be anything left. But don't give up hope. I trust you. We can win this alright? We just gotta focus._

It felt like Trost all over again...except Shiganshina was long dead and Bertolt throwing burning husks of homes he'd destroyed seven years ago was the ultimate show of disrespect.

 _ **If ya say so kid.**_

 _C'mon. We're the only ones who can stop him._

He heard the titan sigh.

 _ **Well, if ya got somethin' in mind tell me now. We gotta be quick, or we're screwed. Don't wanna lose my head over this.**_

 _I told you. That's not gonna happen._ He glared at his ex-comrade's gigantic form that plagued him with nightmares since kicking in the outer gate and soaking his world in red. _HIS head's gonna roll this time._

 _ **Welp, then let's get it.**_

Right on cue, Jean started yelling at him to scream.

And he soon saw the reason why.

Bertolt was making slow, but steady progress towards one of the gates.

Eren leapt out of hiding, opened his distended jaw wide, and roared for all he was worth.

 _ **It's working kid! He stopped!**_

 _But he's ignoring us._ Eren felt sick to his stomach. This was all kinds of bad. _The Coordinate doesn't work on him remember? He can resist my scream!_

 _ **Then let's take him down. Shouldn't be too hard. He's top-heavy. Makes him easy to tip over and go boom.**_

Hardly had his titan finished his sentence when Eren rushed Bertolt and jumped onto his leg, wrapping his arms around the Colossal's gigantic muscular calf.

 _After all,_ he thought anger coursing through his veins. Remembering Bertolt could make his titan form vanish completely without a trace. _His body's just an empty shell!_

He faintly heard Armin say something about draining Bertolt's energy. _Once I get this bastard on his back, they can use the Spears on him-_

Then Bertolt lifted his leg in an all too familiar kicking motion.

Surprised at the sudden elevation Eren held on for dear life.

 _ **KID! LET GO HE'S GONNA-!**_

The titan's shout was abruptly cut off when he felt himself shot with tremendous force through the air over the ruined city.

The force of the impact jarred every bone in Eren's body. He lay upside down, stunned eyes looking up at the sky. Uncomprehending.

 _Eh?_

 _ **DAMN IT! WE'RE STUCK!**_

 _W-What?!_

 _ **THAT BASTARD WEDGED US INTO THE WALL! WE'RE RIGHT ABOVE THE GATE!**_

Eren fought to quell his rising panic. This wasn't happening. Bertolt had just flung him off his leg like he was shaking off an annoying leech. Sailed him like a kicked ball over town without losing his balance in the slightest.

This was bad.

 _But-_

His nape was still intact.

 _Hey! Calm down!_ Eren yelled at his titan. _Our neck's still safe. We can still fight him!_

 _ **NO. I CAN'T MOVE AN INCH!**_

 _Huh? Whaddaya mean-?_

 _ **IT MEANS DUMBASS, HE CAN STROLL OVER HERE PRETTY AS YA PLEASE AND CAPTURE US. AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT REINER. AS SOON AS HE HEALS, HE'LL REJOIN THE PARTY. AND YER LIL' FRIENDS BACK THERE WON'T STAND A CHANCE IN HELL.**_

For the first time since engaging the shifters, Eren was at a complete loss of what to do. If that was the case, then there'd be no way for anyone to cut him out. He never mastered emerging on his own. Levi or Hange always freed him from his titan form.

But right now?

He was royally screwed.

And scared his friends wouldn't survive what had been a pre-planned trap from the second he sealed both holes in Wall Maria.

The wall trembled at the slow, implacable advance of humanity's worst nightmare. Bert would be here in less than a minute if someone didn't stop him.

 _ **Kid...**_

 _I know._ Tears welled in his eyes. Not wanting to believe he acted rashly and put the entire human race on the brink of total extinction, just because he got cocky. _I'm sorry. We're screwed. I-I failed everyone. Again._

He closed his eyes, feeling the fight slowly drain out of his aching body as the Colossal's gigantic footsteps drew ever closer to his vulnerable position.


	16. Chapter 16

Eren couldn't believe it had come to this. Reiner and Bertolt. Two men he trusted, confided in, hell even _made plans to grow old with and swap war stories once they'd defeated the titans_ …nothing more than a farce. A sham to retrieve a power they called 'the Coordinate' and rewrite history. To have absolute control over the human race and continue to perpetuate the titan's curse-

 _Boom._

 _Boom._

 _Boom._

The ground trembled as Bertolt marched toward his position. Dimly he heard his friends call his name. Desperation laced their cries. _Why can't they shut up? I'm tired-_

 ** _Kid. I swear to god. If ya don't snap outta this damn trance or whatever WE ARE GOING TO DIE._**

 _Who cares? Everyone's practically dead or dying. Only our squad's left. Hange's probably dead. Levi…I don't know where Levi's at…and we're sitting ducks on top of this gate._

 ** _Which is gonna be GONE if ya don't get yer ass up and fight-_**

"Eren!"

 _Huh?_ The titan shifter stared up at the blue sky, dazed. _Who's talking to me?_

"Eren! Wake up!" Through the haze clouding his vision the frantic voice of his best friend kept puncturing an annoying hole in his dream stupor. "We need you! Please! Can you hear me?!"

 ** _It's the dandelion, retard. Risking his puny self ta save your piss poor ass._**

Eren stirred at his titan's callous remark.

 _He's not a retard! Don't you dare call him that again!_

The titan wasn't impressed.

 ** _Whatever dumbass. The only thing you need to be doing is SOMETHING other than lay here in a daze like one of them distressed damsels waitin' for their knight to save them-_**

That did the trick. Between Armin's frantic pleading and the titan's prodding Eren snapped into action.

 _SHUT UP! I_ _ **WILL**_ _SAVE US. AND HUMANITY SO SIT BACK AND WATCH!_

 ** _Well, good job. Somebody fetch you a medal._**

Armin gasped as the near lifeless combat form went stiff. He jumped off the fifteen meter titan as its skin hardened, gluing it to the cracked stones.

"E-Eren?!"

Suddenly his friend reappeared out of nowhere, burn marks adorning his face as he swung free of the hardened carcass of his titan form.

Teal eyes burned with humanity's rage.

 _I'm not done with you yet bastard! You're gonna pay for destroying my home and betraying our friendship!_

 ** _Wow. Congrats kid, yer finally starting to use yer brains for a change. Now let's put an end to this pissing contest shall we?_**

Eren pursed his lips in a grim smile.

"With pleasure," he murmured. Uncaring if the others saw him talking to the wind. "I've waited a long time for this."

He fired his hooks and swung with dizzying speed towards the Colossal Titan's nape.

Raised his paring blades and brought them across the kill spot.

But Bertolt saw him coming and released a scalding curtain of steam to protect himself from Eren's assault.

It was so hot Eren was forced to retreat. Cursing he reluctantly pulled back at the behest of his friends to stand on the roof of a decrepit home.

 _Now what? Regular attacks don't work on him._

 ** _No. But maybe those new toys Hange brought might do some damage._**

 _But…that's…_

 ** _Your best shot._**

 _Suicide!_

 ** _Hah, that's funny. Comin' from the guy whose nickname is the 'Suicidal Bastard'-_**

Eren clenched his teeth, trying to keep his composure.

 _You know something…_

 ** _What?_**

 _I really, really, REALLY hate you._

All he got was a mental shrug and a satisfied chuckle.

 ** _Yeah. Your welcome too, kid._**

 **A/N: Hey guys it's been a while for this puppy, but writer's block finally broke and I'm back to posting for this thing. Yep. Between having family in town and getting a new computer thanks to my old one dying the last week of October, I've been…busy to say the least. But everything's fine now. I apologize for the mini-hiatus, but life happens so forgive the short chapter.**

 **Stay safe for all the New Year's Eve parties guys. See u all in 2017! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**WARNING: MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILER ALERT for the end of the 58** **th** **Scouting Expedition, the identity of the Beast Titan and the end of the Shiganshina War. DO NOT READ IF YOU AREN'T CAUGHT UP WITH THE MANGA. Read on if you don't care for spoilers. Enjoy and don't forget to review!**

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 _This can't be happening._ Eren sank to his knees, tears blurring his eyes as he gazed at Armin Arlert's charred corpse lying on the roof of one of the sounder structures left standing. _Not him! He didn't deserve this!_

Armin had done it. Somehow, he managed to slip under Bertolt's defenses and use the Thunder Spear to blow him out of the Colossal Titan's nape. Thanks to him, the Colossal Titan was subdued and being held hostage by the Levi Squad and Floch, the only other surviving Scout member who miraculously escaped being killed by the Beast Titan when the Scouts suicide charged him in a last desperate attempt to take him down. .

That was the good part.

The bad news? Armin didn't survive his attack on the Colossal.

Since he wasn't a shifter, his fragile human body could not withstand the immense heat generated from Bertolt's pressurized Steam, and he plummeted to the earth, dead before he could hit the ground but one of them caught his heavily burned body and gently placed him on the roof Eren was kneeling on now.

Sniffles and muffled sobs alerted him to the presence of his friends. This wasn't fair! _Why did he have to play hero and sacrifice himself?_ Did Armin truly believe his life was _that_ meaningless that he would commit such an out of character act of suicide? Did he seriously believe he could willingly throw his life away and not stop to consider the impact it would have on everyone?

 _We wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for him._ Eren thought, desperately opening his mind to speak directly to the Attack Titan. He needed to talk to someone and his comrades in arms were in no condition to do so.

 _ **Whaddya want me to say kid? War sucks people die, al dente. It is what it is.**_ Eren felt the familiar thump against his chest, right at the center of his being where the Titan lurked until he was summoned into battle. _**'Sides last I checked, you played hero back at Trost. Pulled him outta that one Titan's mouth. Remember? That's when I made my grand entrance into the world.**_

 _And now it's come back full circle. He did this to save us…but he-this was his way of apologizing. To me. For almost dying in Trost. He never fully forgave himself for that._

 _ **What the hell is it with humans and their need to kill themselves for each other? I don't understand. Love makes you do really stupid things.**_

Eren sighed. _That's what makes us human._

 _ **It's impractical. Waste of resources.**_

 _It's not a waste. I don't expect you to get it._

 _ **And I told ya I wouldn't care. This ain't gonna bring the dandelion back from the dead.**_

The brunette shifter scooted closer to his best friend's body. Smoke still rose and he almost threw up at the sight. Armin looked like an overcooked sausage. Tears streamed down his face, cutting through the grime and dirt. _Hold on. Doesn't Levi have the titan serum? Maybe that'll-_

 _ **He does but he's savin' that for the bigger blond. The useful one. His master.**_

 _Levi isn't Erwin's pet!_

 _ **Boy, he might not wear a leash, but he damn sure acts like he wears a collar. Erwin's got him well-trained.**_

Eren was about to retort, but stopped short when he heard shuffling behind him.

"I wish I could've done something about this." The young man nearly crumpled in relief. Never in his life was he so happy to hear Hange Zoe's voice. But she didn't sound like her usual crazy, Titan-obsessed self. She sounded spent. Exhausted. And full of guilt.

Hange was only on her feet due to willpower and Mikasa lending her shoulder. She was a mess: hair tangled. Eye missing. Cuts and bruises decorating her exposed skin. Tears trailed down her cheek.

She continued her lament.

"If only…if only we learned all this sooner, then maybe we could've saved so many lives," she whispered on the verge of a mental breakdown. "I wish we could turn time back. But we can't! We've lost so much. So many. Gone."

Eren felt his heart break when he noticed Mikasa crying as she supported most of Hange's weight. Every fiber of his being ached to wipe her tears away and hold her close.

But he was too tired. And the one man who held the ability to bring his friend back was sitting on his haunches next to Erwin's corpse nestled in the upper floor of an abandoned house. Contemplating the decision that lay before him, the syringe holding the serum heavy in his pocket. The man he chose to give this to would change everything. Familiar doors would be shut forever and new ones opened.

 _It…this just isn't FAIR!_ Eren was dimly aware he was being redundant. But he didn't care. _We worked too hard! Everyone's dead…except for us…and Floch, but Hange's right. Too many died to figure out the truth behind who's holding humanity captive. Dad…was directly responsible for all of this…Mom DIED because…because he was married before. Had a kid. Then he met Mom. Married her. And had me._

 _ **And left his other son behind at Marley. Pissed off his mama.**_ The Attack Titan hummed, the pieces slowly clicking together. _**So, he grew a conscience and ran away. Took a bunch of intel with him, just to spite his government and hid it in a secret drawer in this cellar. That's what they were after this whole time. Retake me, the Founder and the truth about Marley. Then yer Pops' ex learned what he'd done. Found out he remarried and…well. You can guess what happened. She ate your ma out of revenge. I mean, Grisha WAS married to her first. Then ya went Coordinate on her ass in that field. Got his mom eaten and whatever. Damn. What a mess. No wonder the Ape wants to 'save' you.**_

Eren remained silent. Unable to refute a word his Titan said.

Deep down past all the layers of rage and hatred, he knew it was the truth.

That didn't mean he had to accept it.

 **TBC…**


End file.
